I hate you and I love you

© Picture: Christels@Pixabay
Written by: Jehan Daal

I hate you and I love you.
I can’t stop thinking of you.
It’s true, I’m stuck on you.
(Stacie Orrico)

That is what I have with running. WHAT?!? Yeah, you people think that I love running and that it’s always a walk in the park. Telling me how well I’m doing, that I have some great abs, thinking that I run effortlessly looking like a sexy animal with my hair in the wind. That I look like the animal in the picture at the top.

Ha, think again and stop dreaming. When I’m Toos Conditieloos a.k.a. Ms. WS (Without Stamina) like I’m now, I have no abs, but a real belly and running is no fun at all. It’s hard work, it means running because the schedule tells you to. It means gasping after only two minutes of running, it means running without the actual feeling of going fast. It means pushing through even when you brain tells you that running sucks and you should quit and go home watch Netflix like normal people do.

But then remember that I loved running. The feeling of a runner’s high, it’s like being in love without someone who can actually break your heart. 😉 The creative ideas that pop into my mind during a run, the work related thoughts that disappear.

I remember that I loved running when I read my Runner’s World, all the great running stories online, when I see my running pictures and flip through fb posts in which I sound incredibly fit and happy. (Argh I know sometimes the old fit and too happy me annoys me too.) Posts like “To go or not to go…” when I already did a 2k speed run in the morning and I go for a 6k run, just because I feel like it.

My point is, sometimes you need to hold on to go from hate to love again. Rediscover what there is to love, with patience, faith, perseverance and the will to work for it. I don’t know when, but there will be a day when I wake up and smile because I truly love running again.




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