© Picture: RealWorkHard at http://www.pixabay.com
Written by: Jehan Daal
“Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing”
© Adele – Hello
“Where the hell are you? Where the hell have you been?”
Questions in some of my readers mind, even though they asked me more nicely. Let me get you something to drink and a fresh baked pie, and catch up.
“Where the hell are you?”
Sometimes that was exactly what I was asking myself. How did I end up here? Usually sharing the up and down side of life with you. But this time I couldn’t to be honest, I needed all of my energy for me.
Two years ago a really dear family member got diagnosed with cancer. On top of that I got a mysterious disease. I could hardly breath and I was in pain 24 hours. It was like a heavy person sat on my lungs and prevented me from breathing. Getting to the bathroom became a challenge. I could only work a couple of hours and that was like running a marathon. My brain was always one of my strengths, now remembering became hard. And the doctors could not find what was going on with me. Rest, was the only medication they could prescribe.
“What if I never get better?”
“You are tough”, people kept telling me. I knew they meant well, but sometimes hearing that made my life even harder. I tried my best to live up to that expectation. Months went by and no improvements. Lying in bed all day doesn’t only make you fat, it made me overthink everything. Everyone was living their lives while I was lying there, fighting against the thought that scared me to dead. “What if I never get better?”
Sometimes despair took over my mind. Till the point that the doctors said: “there is one thing we could try.” They gave me a very strong medicine that they also use on people who are battling cancer. Besides some nasty side effects, my lungs started to work properly. Little by little the pain decreased. And I started to “miss” the pain.
So you could say that the last two years taught me a lot about life (again). Last year I spent recovering, working (too) hard to show them the work ethic that I normally have and finding myself a boyfriend who seemed spicy (wrote about him here) but who turned out to be pretty plain after the first bite. 😉 And no there is nothing wrong with him, I’m just not his match. Last but not least: waking up, discovering that the last couple of years full important lessons changed me and my view on life. The life I’m living no longer suits me. So I’m making a plan to shake things up a bit and to add important things to it.
But 2015 also brought me happy things that I’m thankful for:
My dear family member kicked cancers ass! Number 1 on the list, no doubt. I went to the Schrijftuin (Writing garden) a class about writing and wrote there with some others who are strangers to me, I’m surrounded by people I love and apparently love me ;-), the photoshoot with my friends, the Paintball Battle, me being able to enter the Start 2 Run class, oh and I recently moved (and yes I still have to send out cards). Will do a “things in 2015 that made me happy” post soon.